Dedicated to my beautiful sister-in-law who just had her first baby, and who is already rocking it as a new mom.
When I was a brand new mom, I was lucky to have a few friends who were also new mommies. You’ve heard the saying “It takes a village to raise a child”. Well, whether you do or don’t live close to your family, it’s wonderful and essential to have a community of new moms around that can make you feel sane when you feel crazy. Just a few days into being a new mom, I was so grateful for the “you’re doing great” phone calls, texts, and emails. And I couldn’t have made it without the round the clock texts about nursing, sleeping habits, etc.
After going through new mommy-hood, I love sharing any info. that might be helpful. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I always found that just hearing other moms’ experiences made me feel better. In appreciation for all the love and support I received, here are a few words and sentiments to pay it forward.
You are amazing.
When you welcome your baby into the world, a euphoric, surreal feeling comes over you. The comings-and-goings of work, errands, and life that were previously consuming your mind disappear. With your baby in your arms, you think, “Wow”. And with the nurses around the corner, you think “Okay, I got this.”
Then, you transition home from the hospital. A feeling of “What now?” comes over you. I remember thinking “Uh, how do I create a good latch, again? What does it look like?”. In addition to the inadequacy I felt with nursing, I also remember feeling guilty and embarrassed since nursing was all I could do. While I was recovering, my husband was doing everything else (diapers, swaddling, rocking). On the fourth night after my son was born, I was determined to handle a night feeding routine myself. I said to myself “I’m not going to wake my husband up. I’m going to change my son’s diaper, change his clothes, swaddle him, nurse him, and then rock him to sleep all on my own. I can do this.” Well, I didn’t get very far. I was removing my son’s onesie and his beautiful little hand was stuck in the sleeve. I was afraid to pull too hard, I was exhausted, I was hormonal, and I completely fell apart. My newborn son, who was probably wondering what was going on, started to cry. My husband woke up and was amazing. He handled everything…again, and reminded me that it had only been four days.
The next day, I received a text from a friend, another new mama. She gave examples of how difficult it was when she first returned home from the hospital. She reminded me that it would get easier with each day. And she reminded me I was already an amazing mama.
Within the first 2 weeks, the first 3 months, the first year, and probably the rest of your life, there will be moments you feel like an inadequate parent. Parenthood is an incredible thing, but it is no joke. Take it a day, or an hour, at a time and remember that you are amazing.
You are beautiful.
At first, it’s hard to feel beautiful. You haven’t slept, maybe didn’t shower, and you realize that if someone didn’t know you had a baby, they would probably think you are pregnant. After all, you’re still wearing your maternity clothes.
About 5 weeks after giving birth, a dear friend took family photos of us. She wanted to post some of them on her Facebook page. I said, “Sure, but can you try to avoid the ones with my belly in them.” She reminded me that I should really think of my belly as a badge of honor. It was such a sweet sentiment and great reminder to not only be proud of my new baby, but to be proud of myself.
You probably don’t feel like your old self, and that is totally ok. Your body has been through a lot and probably won’t ever be exactly the same as it was before baby. Even though I eventually lost all the weight I had gained, my body is still different than it was.
In addition to your body’s physical changes, you have to get used to the daily possibility of having milk, spit-up, pee, and poop on your clothes. It makes it a little challenging to select that gorgeous white silk shirt in your closet you used to wear. And of course, it is hard to feel beautiful when you have stains on your clothes.
Again, take it a day at a time. Every mom has her own timetable for when she wants to take on the world again, make-up and all. Eventually you will find yourself dressing up again. You may not have as much time to primp as you did before baby, but you’ll develop a new routine. And even in your current comfy new mama clothes, you are beautiful.
You are organized.
Life can get a bit crazy when your little one arrives. You may have considered yourself a very “on top of it”, organized individual. And prior to your baby’s arrival, you had everything in order. Diapers…check. Car seat installed…check. Baby clothes washed…check. Baby room decorated perfectly…check.
Now, the laundry is piling up, the house is a mess, and it’s quite possible that you haven’t cooked a meal yourself. When my son was born, we were living in a one-bedroom condo without a dishwasher and without an in-unit washer/dryer. We had to walk 3 flights of stairs to do our laundry. So needless to say, keeping things clean did not come easy. Eventually, I found ways to take care of my son and house stuff, like wearing my son in the Ergo while I cleaned or folding clothes while he played on his Skip and Hop activity gym. But it took time to get to that place.
For now, if you want to have your baby lay on you all day, do it. If you want to nap instead of clean today, do it. A mom of two children under 3 years recently told me that if she got her kids to nap and she took a shower, she considered it a successful day. You might need to change or manage your own expectations for awhile. But you’ll get there. And you can still consider yourself that “on top of it” organized individual, just with different priorities.
Lastly, remember that You are loved. You are so unbelievably loved by your family, friends, and your baby. Enjoy the journey of being a new mama. The days are long, but the weeks are so so short.
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